Away To The Skies

2010-11-02T22:59:00.002+08:00

~~http://awaytotheskies.livejournal.com~~
http://turninglines.blogspot.com

I'm trying to be a better person.

2010-10-30T00:17:00.009+08:00

Forgot to say this earlier. I'm officially

"PROMOTED TO SEC FOUR EXPRESS"
(In all your fucking faces, I swear)

In anyway, I just want to thank 3Truth'10 here, for all that you all done for me and for all the memories. I really wish 4Truth'11 could be a whole, but I guess at times we don't have a choice. I'll certainly miss the few of them. But everyone moves on, towards a different direction. And for us 3Truth, the memories of 2010 will always stay.

I disappointed Mom as usual. Guess she expected much more than what I had expected of myself (that is, promotion). Really wonder when I'll start passing my percentage again. I can't go on like this, with my PPR full of numbers underlined instead of bolded. Fml and my grandmother just had to call Mom to ask about my results, praising my cousin for her excellent ones at the same time. Directly rubs it in and triggers everything bad. But not like I can blame anyone but myself for that anyway.

Fuck I hate my attitude but I don't really want to care right now. (What an irony)

We all need to escape sometimes.

2010-10-29T23:04:00.007+08:00

Quick post before I go and bathe.

Just came home from Mad's new house (she just moved in today) minutes ago and I swear its super pretty! Did nothing but rot, and I have absolutely no idea how I managed to waste 6hours there today. Would have stayed on much longer but it got kinda awkward with her relatives randomly bombarding her room so I came home. Doesn't matter, I'll go there again soon.

On a random and stupid note, I actually picked Hebe up at the Airport with Claire again today. We almost missed her by being late. Shall not elaborate further. Not like you can't figure I was calm and only thing that interested me there was Popeyes hehe.

I'm currently uploading photos on Facebook anyway, and I am so fucking irritated. LiveUpload, one more time you crash on me I swear I am going to boycott you. Absolutely annoying.

I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

2010-10-27T16:45:00.001+08:00

"A person who loves you deeply will not forget you easily just as time passes. The pain caused will follow every single breath, and every single heartbeat of theirs, until the very end of their life."
— (Happy Mother in-law, Pretty Daughter in-law)

I keep thinking times will never change and things will always be the same.

2010-10-25T01:01:00.003+08:00

I was spazzing with Huishi about Burning Flame III on 855 --> Bosco and Aimee --> Boscolie --> Myolie --> Myolie and Kevin --> Myolie with other guys --> Myolie with THAT guy in her new Mainland series --> Hawick Lau!!!!

We got so excited over Hawick Lau for I-don't-know-what reason because we just feel he is bloody cute and it jolted our childhood memories and vague impressions of him in extremely old dramas we watched when we were real young HAHAHAHA.

Then, (I screenshot it from the web as Tweetdeck was too small)

I made her Twitpic me the picture,

OMG AHAHAHA IDK WHY BUT I JUST CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.
It just is so bloody funny to me LOL.

If it all stops so suddenly, what will you do?

2010-10-25T00:51:00.004+08:00

I'm waiting for my absolutely insane Mom to get changed right now, because she wants me to go have supper with her at this unearthly hour when there's school tomorrow. Oh dear she's taking so long imma fall asleep T__T

So in the meanwhile, hehe,

THIS IS HAWICK LAU.
He is a total qt piez right!!!!!! -faints-

Omg I luv this new Mainland show!!!! Their expressions are freaking funny I can totally die laughing watching it haha. I swear he and Myolie are so cute together!!! (though obviously no one can replace Bosco in Myolie's heart AHAHAHAHHAH) :>

And so tomorrow's gonna be another devastating day.
Screw review of exam scripts, seriously. I'm so retaining for fuck.

Laughter took place of everything we knew we were not.

2010-10-24T22:32:00.009+08:00

No, I'm not a fan of S.H.E,

會痛嗎，那一下下我的心都碎啦，你豆大的淚珠不停的落下，你卻沒有忘了堅強。心疼嗎，愛你的人心當然會疼啊，公主Selina，你受了點傷，你還是我的公主呀。 Selina輕輕甩著長頭髮，飄來一陣陣的香，我注定屬於她！ Selina粉紅色來形容她，驕豔玫瑰也只為她芬芳！

Ella wrote this for Selina 2 years back, and it really suits the situation now.

Its so touching, I almost cried while listening to it when Claire told me to go youtube it. The video (click) on Hebe and Ella's performance yesterday was even more saddening, seriously. I hope they get well soon. Especially YHM, he is so cute!!! -faints- But now he is disfigured HAHA I sound so superficial -__-

YHM's my new idol now btw. He is so bloody cute, really, and such a superhero. He blocked the thing for Selina and suffered much terrible injuries (yet the media coverage's all on Selina WTF). I regret not noticing him more earlier in 2008 when I watched him in the TVB-Hunan Dance Competition (Strictly Come Dancing II) along with Kevin/Myolie/Kenneth and other artistes. To think I actually liked/had a very good impression of him then! Urgh now he is badly injured already :(

Myolie/Kc/Bosco (and the whole world) all sent their well wishes to them as well and its so cute Bosco actually retweeted Myolie's Weibo for that. What amuses me best is that I found out Myolie actually followed YHM and Feng Shao Feng before she followed Bosco on Weibo, and that Bosco follows YHM too but YHM only follows Myo and not Bosco back AHAHAHAHAHA OMG.

In case anyone is wondering who the hell YHM is, he is Yu Hao Ming. This real qt guy. Go google him, because I'm too lazy to find any photo to upload and put here :-)

The notion of retention is getting so close and clear.

2010-10-22T15:53:00.009+08:00

Today is depressing, just like every other day.

My marks are too horrible to be even said here. Really, I'm not kidding or exaggerating like any other EC kid. I'm in probation for some reason, mind you. I'm in probation where 79.3% of the class gets F9 for A Math, where only 2 passes Chemistry. I'm in probation where St Nicks is hell out to make a joke of us and kill us eventually.

What next? I'm wearing a grey badge next year. Or maybe there's a better way out. Goodbye St Nicks, then.

But on a much lighter note, there's a reason why I love Mj.

(while eating Sushi today)

Me: I feel like eating Chilli crabs!
Mj: If you don't retain we go eat Chilli crabs okay!

Me: They already mark already, its fated. How if I retain?
Mj: Then we eat Butter crabs okay!!!!

HAHAHAHAH MJ WHAT THE FUCK MAN HAHAHA.
That bitch's so happy she's promoting.

Who would've guessed I'd let my mind drift so far away.

2010-10-22T02:16:00.003+08:00

I have this heavy feeling in my chest right now that screams Its enough. No, not the headache that screams Its hopeless. Not the dulled senses. Not the extreme fluctuating moods. Not the heavy feeling of having to drag myself around. I guess I'm tired.

I feel myself fainting. Past 72hours with less than 8 hours of sleep. My eczema has gotten worse due to the haze as well and I'm having rashes/ringworms at my neck area as well an uneasy throat + swollen eyes. USS/Chalet yesterday gave me muscle/backaches, and my period cramps are killing me too. I think I'm going to die soon.

My heavy eyelids are like threatening to succumb to sweet sleep anytime but there are like so many things on my mind for me to even get to sleep peacefully. I seriously feel like shit now. Total fucking shit.

I'm drifting apart from my best friends because of some superficial jealousy. I don't get why they just have to draw a clear line between my friendship with them and that of mine in school. I don't get why our friendship has become so shallow, like a battle based on attention. Most importantly, I don't get why they're losing confidence me, or maybe themselves.

Also, I realise I really have grown to be extremely attached to you emotionally. You make me feel special, and I've never opened up to someone else as much as I have to you. But things have changed and they'll no longer be like how the used to be. So I wonder what you were doing in my dream last night. Go away.

Exams are over but I don't seem to have any post-examinations mood currently. Thinking about how CCA is going to resume too makes me want to have EOYs all over again. At least during the exam period my mind would be off all that fucking crap.

And that reminds me, there's school tomorrow and we're reviewing our exam scripts. I hope I don't come home with a Hi Secondary Three mindset. I really need promotion badly. I'm not even looking for a pass in my percentage now, all I want is to promote to Secondary Four this year. Gosh, since when did I start caring about results so much?

My brother's drinking the beer from the fridge. I feel like, too, but I'm replacing that with chocolate protein shake. Yum. I hope I'm not being delusional by telling myself not to because I don't want to grow fat or be tired tomorrow.

I'm probably at my limit right now. I'm so scared I'll give way any time. My trash hold is full to the brim. Its like one of the weakest moments. But just let me be myself for now. I guess I'll be fine when the light comes again. I tend to rant on blogs whenever I'm sad, you see. It's so personal. Feels so raw. Haha.

Maybe it's okay if people know you're sad. Maybe. Just maybe.

I am tired. Really tired. Really, really tired....

Its comes a long way.

2010-10-03T01:09:00.005+08:00

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back."
— Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

On a field of daffodils,

2010-10-03T00:46:00.007+08:00

It just occurred to me that since we will all die in the end, everything we do on Earth is transient. So why do we mug and slog our asses of when we know that what we're working for now doesn't last forever?

I'm really am so afraid of retaining. I'll just cry if I ever have to retain. Its so scary being on the verge of retaining. I'm passing 4 subjects only, and that's not the way it should be. But I know everyone's struggling like I am. My best friends, who are taking their major examinations this year, and 3 Truth, because we all want to promote together.

There are actually so many things I don't know.
I don't know why, I don't know how.

I don't understand, I don't comprehend. I don't ask, I don't question.
I don't hear, I don't listen. I don't see, I don't envision.
I don't think, I don't assume. I don't try, I don't attempt.
I don't walk, I don't run. I don't confront, I don't hide.

Who would have thought that life would change so drastically this year? The people I surround myself with now are completely different, the way I think is different, and even the way I speak no longer remains the same. People too, keep telling me how much I've changed this year. How much I'm no longer like before.

This year, I've disappointed so many people. So many. Mom, my best friends, some nice teachers, so many friends in school and most importantly, myself. It seems like disappointment is becoming a severe understatement.

I guess everyone's feeling the same way at this point of time. We all do feel hopeless, clueless, and for me, most of the time, useless. But that's not what we really are.

So to those who are trying hard to hang on, to my best friends, and to those reading this,
Repeat after me:

You are the center of someone's universe.
You are the center of someone's universe.
You are the center of someone's universe.
You are the center of someone's universe.
You are the center of someone's universe.
You are the center of someone's universe.
You are the center of someone's universe.

Push on. Take things slowly, settle them one by one. Remember what you want and work for it.
Like a blindfolded bull charging towards the matador. Let's remain optimistic, shall we? :)

Tuition tomorrow morning. Goodnight.

Brain overloaded.

2010-09-30T22:59:00.005+08:00

Reality Check: 11 days to End-of-Years.

I need a best solution to mend this. Someone help.

2010-09-30T00:31:00.008+08:00

Conflicting emotions surging within.

Today went rather fine, if you would to not mention the douchebag who spoilt my mood for a while. Yet another day spent at Airport, this time with Stephanie and Claire, and I met Janine!!!! Think I'll be there again this Saturday.

I'm so tired. Killed too many brain cells studying Biology. I'm such an epitome of unhealthy living anyway. Seriously need to learn to adopt a healthy sleeping regime and a balanced diet soon. My body clock is just weird :/

Must really complete my revision soon too. I realise I'm left with so much to cover and so little time. St Nicks should totally give study breaks before End-of-Years since in anyway school is so fucking pointless now. If not for saving money I would just skip school and go purchase a medical certificate everyday.

I'm so gonna collapse any moment. Pray I survive the upcoming weeks -crosses fingers-

But on a much much much much happier note, Boscolie's going to film a new Mainland series together!!!!! Finally, finally, finally, finally!!!!! I feel so motivated in everything suddenly. Boscolie, just give me news everyday until October 19th and I'll just top the cohort!!!! This time its really confirmed, because Myolie already responded to it!!!! Its doesn't matter if TVB doesn't give us a Boscolie series, because now we know China will AHAHAHHAHA 8>

Just finished spazzing with so many people on the phone/Skype/MSN hehe. I hope the two of them don't disappear from WB suddenly to prevent media reports, they should update pictures of themselves dating (E.g. Bosco having dinner in Myo's hotel room AHAHAHAHAHA)!!!!!! They're gonna be spending both their birthdays, Christmas, New Year and maybe even Lunar New Year together!!!! Now they'll have no reasons for not buying each other birthday presents anymore!!!!

Boscolie just makes Syn yin a happy girl :)))))))
But in anyway, Grey's Anatomy's not loading. I'm going to sleep.

Far from any similarity.

2010-09-28T23:48:00.002+08:00

Cash turns to fats,

2010-09-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

I luv my Hk cafe yuan yang :)))))

Just to make those who don't have jealous,

2010-09-26T20:28:00.000+08:00

I've had it for two days already hehe :>

Too attached too soon.

2010-09-26T15:21:00.007+08:00

"For years I've been saying go East, not West. When you think about it, most parts of Asia where people have visited, they sort of put everything in one basket - 'Singapore is the same as India, Malaysia and Thailand'. That's how they feel because they don't know any better. Hopefully this will open people's eyes and they'll say, my God, Singapore really is alive and well."
— Bernie Ecclestone (F1 Supremo)

I'm stuck on you like glue somehow.

2010-09-22T23:59:00.005+08:00

I bought this pretty Disney Princess notebook at Airport last week to motivate me to write notes and complete my revision, but I guess it hasn't been serving its purpose really well. I swear my productivity is really low at home, especially on weekdays. Spent my Mooncake Festival at home barely writing a page of notes. Next year I am so going out to play candles/lanterns.

Please please please let me procrastinate no more. I'll just fucking kill myself if I retain, seriously. I'm awfully guilty for disappointing Mom and so many friends already. I can't even cheer my best friends up and motivate them when they're having their major exams. I feel so lousy. Really, where did that little motivation I use to have go?

I'm going to stop staying up late (in this case I won't say burn the midnight oil, since when I sleep late never once its because I'm studying). I shall go to bed early tonight, after I finish watching all the Super Trio episodes I've missed. I hope it cheers me up, which I think it will because its just so epic and I usually die laughing :>

End-of-Years, please don't make me suicidal.

Should stop spending money.

2010-09-22T22:23:00.002+08:00

Somehow this seems like a really big mistake.

2010-09-21T22:46:00.004+08:00

真的累了，是心靈上的疲倦。沒辦法，我就是那麽不爭氣。

1. My typing of words in this box is once again proving that I fucking can't keep to my resolutions at all. I doubt I can ever go on an internet hiatus, so I'm going to delete my previous post later. My whole fucking life revolves in my small fucking bubble of just fucking technology and fucking school life which I fucking fail fucking terribly.

2. Mad and Loh came over today, and as usual there was no productive studying at all. So much for "studying hard". There was barely silence for more than a minute. Plans on eating less and eating healthy failed too, with Macs for lunch and Oyster Meesua + Deep fried sweet potatoes + Bubble Tea for dinner. Count. those. calories. ugh.

3. On the bus to Bishan for dinner I resolved that today afternoon would be the last time I cabbed (since we cabbed to my house). After dinner while heading home, I found myself walking towards the taxi stand instead of crossing the overhead bridge to the bustop. Yet another substantial proof of how fucking useless I am.

4. Finally found the courage today (or more like was forced to find the courage) to show Mom my PPR. I feel really guilty for disappointing her so badly, and I know I'm just disappointing myself this way too. There's an endless number of apologies I need to make to all the people I've disappointed all these while.

5. Mid-Autumn Festival tomorrow. I'm planning to collect a dress at Bukit Timah tomorrow, study, go look at the moon and go home to eat hotpot. All alone. I'm going to be a loner tomorrow and I don't care. I really need some time alone to fucking reflect on what's going on in my life and about some people I'm clinging hopelessly on. I hope I don't miss anyone tomorrow, because I don't want to end up crying myself to sleep or suffer any Binge Eating Disorder stuffing myself with high cholesterol mooncakes.

Honestly, I didn't know I get attached so easily and that I rely so heavily on certain people. Albeit my awareness that I'm really negative lately and I'm just slowly degrading myself, I still can't be bothered to find the reason to do justice to myself. I'm just wasting my fucked up life away.

When can I spend an ideal day with a lazy afternoon of me lying down on a field staring at the clouds, or a rainy day spent at home with a mug of hot chocolate and TVB Dramas again?

I'm sorry if I don't answer calls tonight. I really don't have the mood.
I'm calling it a day at 11:12pm sharp later - I really need a 11:11 wish today.

Staring blankly at the ceiling.

2010-09-20T00:22:00.006+08:00

(On the train from Changi Airport)

MJ: -looks up at Beijing 101 banner- That guy looks familiar!
Me: -stares for a moment- ITS BEN YEO.

-Turns to Madeleine-

Me: Eh his son is KC's godson.
Mad: Yeah I know they act in the same show before right.
Me: Yummy Yummy. That shows retarded.

MJ: Whose KC?
Me: Kevin Cheng. Some cute guy. And hot. But old.
Mad: Old enough to be our father...
Me: Yes ikr. If only he's really my father!
MJ: Why?
Me: I mean if he's my father I'd be proud to show him off, plus my dad's such an MCP!
MJ: My dad's worse right... Have you ever seen him!
Me: The article in your house that day.
MJ: Don't complain until you see my dad!!!!!
Me: -laughs like crazy- OMG DAMN MEAN.
-turns to Mad- She's damn mean!!!! -laughs even more-

-We all keep laughing-

MJ: And you know what, I think he looks better in that article.

Mj's expressions are epic AHAHAHHA OMG

Brings back all the memories,

2010-09-15T00:32:00.003+08:00

I luv you Airport ♥

Had a rather productive studying session with Mj today. Finished my tuition homework (which I really haven been doing for months), and wrote some Bio notes. I failed to start on the Homeostasis Worksheet though. I seriously suck at Bio, and my brain simply went dead after completing so many Math sums.

I simply love going to Airport. The atmosphere - that "Airport" feeling - is just awfully comfortable. Just like how I feel really happy when I head down to town, but honestly I think I like Airport better. You can do literally anything there, its really conducive for studying + spazzing + eating + sleeping . Earlier I felt that Claire's suggestion was absurd but now I'm really giving this Sunday's overnight Airport date serious consideration :>

What sucks though, is that I live real far from there. If I was still living in Tampines like in the past I would go to Airport everyday, I swear. Haha I found out I should train down to Paya Lebar and then cab home from there instead. Its like only 6 bucks, but if I would to cab home straight from Airport it would be 19 bucks.

Airport brings back all the good memories and makes me feel nostalgic too. All the spazzing sessions I had there, and the fangirling moments. They opened a new Burger King in Terminal 1, beside Belts 20-23. Random, but I know because I was there just 1.5months ago and I didn't see it.

Mj and I still didn't have the courage to test the freaking slide in T3 anyway. Screwed up but we're afraid of dying, I guess. Oh, and I went to T2 for the first time today. I realised I've been to Airport numerous times but I've never been to T2. Its just like all the other terminals actually. I love Airport toilets too.

I think I should hang out there more often. Yay.

-
I just scrolled upwards, and this is a surprisingly long post. I don't even know why I'm typing in this pathetic box here, when I should be doing my Homeostasis Worksheet, or sleeping. I don't care I want to sleep early today. I am just so awesome, I can even procrastinate in sleeping -___-

Two is better than one.

2010-09-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

"You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving."
— Anatole France

Ying Ting you're always missing,

2010-09-09T13:29:00.004+08:00

But we love Loh just the same, yeah? :>

Dearest September,

2010-09-03T02:51:00.004+08:00

Please be nice to me. August was a hell of a rollercoaster ride.

This whole year I've been living life like a loser. Everyday, I either curse the shit out of everything, curl up like a loser, cry to the point there isn't tears anymore, scream till my throat goes hoarse, or just feel like dying and can't wait for life to end.

I'm sick of living days like this. Days where I wake up to a supposingly sunny day but end up watching the week fall to pieces. I don't want to live in the blackest blues when there's a whole array of bright colours out there. Its so sickening just looking at myself everyday. I'm forced to smile when I'm just a nervous wreck inside. Its high time I get happy for real.

September, I sincerely hope you work out well. Please don't foil my plans. I'm really looking forward to so many things this month, and of course, achieving some things too:

More self-motivation
Listen in class and hopefully gain more knowledge
Study hard (promotion is a must)
Go swimming weekly
Retail Therapy, buy clothes
Spend less time on the computer, more with textbooks
Start saving money (need a lot)
Finish watching Survivor's Law and hopefully don't end up liking Rayolie
Growing Through Life/Can't Buy Me Love only if I have time
Exercise more, eat less
Find reasons to care for more people
Resist all sorts of temptations
Stay optimistic and happy always

Hopefully from this month, life will turn for the better. I'll pick myself up, and get back whatever is rightfully mine. I'll start studying, be more obedient, retort less and get back my better results. I'll do justice to myself. I'll get myself back to what I previously was. Whatever I'm doing now is not what I really deserve. Whatever I am now is not who I really am.

I guess this month has started off rather well. At least I enjoyed myself today. Went for a cool and slow swim, ate Dessert Bowl, then baked. Beats cooping up with a hundred people making noise in a small humid room in school or studying for the Amath test tomorrow. I don't really care if I fail this test, because I enjoyed myself today. Because I'll pass soon anyway.

I won't say I'll give up on anything anymore. I'll work hard. I'll endure, control, and discipline myself. Its difficult, I guess. But I'll find my reasons not to give up. So to whoever that's reading this, don't ever give up too.

Little things kept in our hearts,

2010-09-02T22:43:00.001+08:00

(Mrs Tan so qt)

Don't give up on your dreams.

2010-09-02T02:04:00.006+08:00

"People worry about kids playing with guns, and teenagers watching violent videos; we are scared that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobodies worries about kids listening to thousands - literally thousands - of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss."
— Nick Hornby (High Fidelity)

Rather true quote. Just that the book's a little too sexed up for my liking, haha.

Since I'm forced to stay home today, thanks to tuition.

2010-09-01T12:21:00.002+08:00

Shouldn't just keep watching Survivor's Law.
With Eoys coming up, I guess I need some motivation anyway.

The memories will always stay,

2010-09-01T01:59:00.002+08:00

If your purpose was to cause me misery, congratulations, you've succeeded.

2010-09-01T00:12:00.001+08:00

I was reading tags and wondering why so many people were telling me take care/cheer up/I love you. I got rather curious as to why they said such things so I went back to reading my recent posts. Thank you people, but I guess I've been rather emotional lately. I am really trying to be more optimistic.

I wonder where the old me went, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore. People should be forward-looking anyway, and I think that's how I'm going to stay from now on. I'll keep the happy memories in my heart, but I won't look back, especially not to those hurt and heartaches anymore. I'll work hard, perservere, resist to temptations, and hopefully stop procrastinating. Secondary Four, here I come next year.

To those who are praying with all their heart and soul to God that I transfer out this year end, I hope I'll disappoint you. Wait no, I'm sorry, but I am so going to disappoint you. Its time I snapped out of my happy-go-lucky self and prove my abilities to everyone. I know I can do it. Yes I can.

Goodnight.

Ice for eyes, and metal for a heart.

2010-08-28T21:10:00.002+08:00

I don't want to type a long post about how yesterday was one of the most disgusting days in my life because I have a leaky tap for a nose, a desert for a throat, a volcano for a cough, and my wrist does not encourage (or literally disallows) me to do so with the massive pain, but I was such a loser yesterday. I was such a sore loser. I allowed myself to cry five times in four hours, in front of so many fucking people. What's worse, I couldn't resist calling you. I wasn't supposed to call you. I was such a loser because I needed you so fucking much yesterday.

My doctor didn't give me MC because Mom was there, I think. Usually when I went alone he would if I asked. He added I should quit CO too, awesome. I don't regret asking Mom to bring me though, in fact I love her for doing so because it was really pain and I felt I needed someone to be with me at the clinic. Anyway, my freaking hand is wrapped up like a dumpling now, but I'm removing it on tomorrow because I don't want to wear that itchy, hot bandage to school.

No one freaking knows the pain. Both physically and emotionally.

I realised I've neglected you.

2010-08-24T02:31:00.003+08:00

1. I think Bio killed too many brain cells of mine, seriously.

2. Yet I still don't remember a single shit about Excretion gdi.

3. Am so dead for Biology + Social Studies + English + Chem SPA this week.

4. I don't want to get a last in class for Biology again next term :O

5. I'll fucking making sure I graduate from St Nicks by 2011.

Suddenly I find the stress coming in, suddenly I find myself afraid of failing, suddenly I find myself wanting to promote badly. I've never felt so concerned about my results before. But I'm still failing just the same anyway. Term three ppr is so screwed. I guess St Nicks' system never ever suited me. I won't repeat though. I don't want to waste an extra year of my life in that fucking school. The people there are generally fucked up. I'm serious.

P/s: Shall get some sleep now, and wake up a few hours later to another tortuous day.

Those were the days,

2010-08-23T01:02:00.003+08:00

I still remember how we used to always vandalise tables.

I think we still do so now, don't we?

I should stop deceiving myself.

2010-08-22T02:08:00.002+08:00

There are so many things I want to say now but I can't seem to put them into words. I'm so tired, so tired of everything. I wish I didn't have so many self-issues. Why do I find myself regretting decisions I made? I shouldn't be regretting them, really. I shouldn't be. I cannot be. I cannot be regretting them.

"Everything would be alright, tomorrow will be fine" is so cliche, but how I wish it is true. How I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up to a tomorrow where things would change for the better.

I was telling Hui En about my resolutions while walking back to class after Chinese on Friday. Now I have a new one again. But I always break my resolutions anyway. Since when did I ever achieve them. I'm so fucking tired of having to face you, having to face everything.

Really, I need a break.

Raggard breaths while the rain falls onto your face.

2010-08-21T23:56:00.003+08:00

Yes, most people would have known that my internet was down for a few days (since I was totally inactiave on most internet spaces). I find it hard to believe I actually survived without the computer for 3 days. I feel so amazed, and proud of myself (Y)

Apparently my awesome Dad was working his exercise machine on Wednesday and he cleverly tripped the electricity at home. It happened that I left my computer on standby and it was plugged in for charging (which I usually do 24/7). That freaking trip gave my computer, as well as the internet wireless router some kind of "electric shock", they both died of a "heart attack". Yestday mom purchesed a new modem so now the internet's back but my computer so isn't. My computer officially died. I am so pissed off.

It was so bloody sudden okay. My computer showed no signs of dying earlier on. No viruses, nothing of that sort. I can just say goodbye to my files I guess. Right now I'm using mom's computer and it has her important documents so she doesn't allow me to download/save anything in it. What's a computer without MSN/Skype/Adobe Flash Player/Photoshop/VLC Media Player/Firefox/Safari/Live Writer?! But still, at least she offered to let me use it. Unlike my dad who fucking wasn't even bothered about the fact he caused it.

I'm so dead anyway. I roughly counted my PPR percentage this term and I am so going to fail. The only mark I'm unsure of is Combined Humanities, but even so I counted and then I found out I need to get a 114% to even pass this term's percentage. 400 minus my marks for 7 subjects and I still need 114. Seriously, what have I been doing in school?! I'm really hating St Nicks more and more the school system sucks balls. Fuck I'm so transferring out at year end.

But anyway I'm going to study harder.

A poison called heartache.

2010-08-18T00:13:00.005+08:00

Somehow my brain just doesn't want qualitative analysis to have a place in it.
Argh. Screw Chemistry, I'm so hopeless.

I'm need to quickly get done with watching Growing Through Life.
Gonna go back to the nice blue Tys by 1am.

P/s: I'm getting a 20/100 for both Bio and Chem this term. Nice.

Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?

2010-08-15T17:48:00.001+08:00

I just wanted to tell you,

We'll never make another memory.

Some things come by chance.

2010-08-15T15:08:00.014+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KC.

Honestly, I think my love for you is dying each year.
(WHAT'S WITH YOUR AGE URGH URGH)

P/s: I'm too lazy to upload a photo. Shall rewatch BFIII now.

My bitter heart tries to keep it all inside.

2010-08-14T18:46:00.000+08:00

So tell me.

Should I turn left, where nothing's right,
or turn right where nothing's left?

The way to love everything, is to realise it might be lost.

2010-08-14T17:24:00.004+08:00

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

— Marilyn Monroe

I could hold on and never let go, but would you do the same?

2010-08-14T03:28:00.009+08:00

From anger, fear, or hate, I can't tell. All I know is, I feel like shit now.

I thought instead of using Fml all the time I should use Mlia for once. Because nothing in life's worth mentioning these days. Why, then? I wonder when was the last time I felt life being perfect, or at least if not perfect, wonderful.

I never really had the chance to talk about December Rains so I shall do so now. Someone gave free tickets so I watched it with Joanne the other day. I've never really enjoyed musicals, or even concerts to start with. But December Rains was quite nice, except I came to a conclusion Kit Chan should stick to singing. Her portrayal of the character was... horrible.

December Rains got me thinking about how much I actually knew about this thing called "love". If you sincerely loved someone, it wouldn't be easy to get over them. If you loved someone, you would just understand them without having to say a word. If you sincerely loved someone, no matter how much time has passed, part of you belongs to them. If you sincerely love someone, that someone is your everything.

(Edit: I removed some content)

Gosh. Things in life get me so tired.

But on a lighter note, I might be revamping my room :D I want to repaint the walls, its been yellow for three years already. I want to have a sofa in my room, but Mom says the bed is enough since I even have dinner on the bed there'd be no use of a sofa. I have too much built-in stuff in my room (wardrobe, table), so I can't/don't have furniture to move. I want a nice nice nice sofa/armchair/beanbag. Hopefully my jail cell of a room can accomodate it.

I'm going to fall sick. I can feel it. I've been having sore throat + cough since two days ago, and today I simply feel weak and weird all over. Its a kind of feeling whereby I'm tired and as if going to faint anytime. Its like I'm going to implode.

Yet I'm still eating chocolates. I'm going to eat sweets later, I have so much sweets. Yes, I think I'm easy to bribe/appease. I told Enqi to buy me Made In Candy when I still have Huishi's Sticky. But at least not everyone gets juniors who call/text you in the middle of a movie pranking you they lost their phone. Disrupted you in catching the beauty of Angelina Jolie for 15minutes, haha. Still, I've gotta admit I have nice juniors :>

(Omg I just realised I shouldn't be midnight-snacking)

Growing Through Life's not streaming at all. The wireless connection screwed up and we couldn't find the cable to make it "non-wireless", so the internet was down for two days and I didn't get to download/stream it live. I give uppppppp. Shall just rent it tomorrow. I need to catch up with 4 episodes anyway, downloading would just take ages.

Oh, and I seriously think I'm going to fucking fail my Term 3 PPR. Need to work harder. The excuse for screwing up Math Trigonometry test today is so not valid. Fancy not knowing the calculator was in radian mode. Fuckkkkkkkkkkk. Hopefully Ian Tan gives me a high mark for this recent test to pull up my Literature grade this term. My two sciences and two maths are confined to a F9. Fucking shit I need to promote badly. Not really that I need, its more of a want, I guess.

I need to prove myself to a lot of people.
Especially Mom. She's done so much for me but all I give her is empty promises.

I've forgotten what I've started fighting for.

2010-08-13T23:18:00.012+08:00

"Missing 11:11 is life's way of telling you that
you already have everything you need."

P/s: Black Friday. So fucking black :(

Folding stars and making wishes with them.

2010-08-07T00:05:00.005+08:00

I know I'm not alone though.

2010-08-01T02:11:00.004+08:00

I really hope August works out well.
I really am sick and tired of everything right now.
I really need to study harder, because I really need to promote.

The pain is here to stay.

2010-07-28T23:27:00.003+08:00

And who do you think you are, running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me, don't come back at all

— Christina Perri (Jar of Hearts)

For always,

2010-07-25T00:41:00.001+08:00

Withdrawal,

2010-07-23T23:29:00.003+08:00

If only everyday could be like yesterday.

You should've waited for my goodbye.

2010-07-18T21:06:00.004+08:00

If only life could change its monotonous cycle and give me something much more interesting so I can blog about it and satisfy my readers (or Venetia, that is). But anyway its now or never, if I don't post now I'll just keep dragging and procrastinating and dragging and procrastinating.

I haven't been here typing a proper post in this rectangular box for rather long, haven't had the time to post about my only-makes-sense-to-me-pointless-and-depressing-rubbish for rather long, haven't had the mood to just tell a little story about my life for rather long. Its almost as if someone else, another person in his/her own entirety, had own and been updating this blog all along.

Before I clicked on "New Post", which led me to be typing here, I almost deleted all my posts again, like how I did last year. I thought that it all had to end, somehow. All the sentences have to have a full stop, all the chapters have to have their next ones, and all the books will have to be closed after the last page.

Similarly, I thought this would probably be the last post I'd ever post here. So many things have happened in the past year and I thought I should just let go and move on, since I hardly have the motivation to blog here too. And I think that's because these days the things happening to me have become so much more private I can hardly share it here anymore on Blogger. Livejournal's been so much more close to me than it did before.

I know its really cliche, moving on just because I want to keep a part of my life closed and locked away, but that's what I thought I was going to do anyway. I thought that because cliches only exist if I'm brave enough to conform (there, the irony), and I thought sometimes conformity can be a way of standing out as well. That was what I really thought.

But finally I decided not to. Deleting a post or two here and there would be fine, but deleting all the posts would really take up some courage. Its really erasing all the memories, almost like finding a new soul, and I don't think I'm ready for it now.

I went back to reading every single post I had in my archives of every blog of mine and I realised that there are still so many things in which I can't let go of, till this day. I guess I'm thinking too much. Sometimes its just like that. Sometimes almost everything is just beyond your comprehension.

But then again, I think there are still some things worth smiling for :D
So seriously, just let my life screw up right.

While plotting straight line graphs yesterday,

2010-07-05T19:02:00.003+08:00

You said that star was you, and it shines in the night for me.

2010-07-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

Standing on the edge of the night,
Feelings raging inside, but if you open your eyes,
Can you see the fireflies dancing in the air,
Like the stars up in the sky?

Fight the tears with pretty smiles and lies.

2010-07-01T00:54:00.011+08:00

I'll tell you a story about you —

Its the third day of the new school semester and everything's progressing far from good. Actually you didn't expect school to work out well, especially not in St Nicks, so whatever. Maybe you'll just screw your whole life up till O levels.

Your life's just like university education, except you major in subjects like self-issues and minor in school-issues. How else great can it get when you screw a Math Test on the first day of the school term and on the second day it came to your attention you scored the lowest in class for a Biology Test (when you're already kinda in the last class).

And then the teacher-issues come in, where you suddenly get a lot of attention from your Biology teacher Ms Praveena, who though nice is well-known for being temperamental and so scary you wouldn't dare look her in the eyes. What's worse is when you pass up your practical worksheet and is already ready to leave the science lab, she smiles so brightly at you your heart can totally jump out.

Then you decide to be nice when you see Kim San, your primary school friend whom your mom even remembers, struggling to do up the CCA board so you cancel your appointment with the school counsellor (since you never wanted to go anyway) to help do up the board. And then your dear Year Head cum CCA Teacher in Charge comes along and questions who didn't do their job. You happen to be one of them. But it wasn't exactly your fault, since you didn't have a section photo to start with, and weren't suppose to print anything else out other than that.

You don't get to say anything, and Her Majesty Suah Jun immediately gives you the death sentence claiming you have a guilty face and starts all her sarcasm winking and trying to act cute. You then tolerate her with all the best you can since talking back would just give her a chance to catch you for your short pinafore and you're afraid of having to buy a new piece since it fucking costs 16bucks and is far from being dirt cheap for a piece of gross blue cloth.

The thought of you having to survive with her being your Year Head for the rest of the year and CCA Teacher In Charge for the rest of your life in the school makes you want to quit CCA, really. Or at least tell her in her face you didn't want the position. That way you wouldn't have to see her so often.

But then now's not the time for you to be worrying about why you got the position and whether you want it or not. Instead, doing your job properly is more important because you know that there are people who believe in you and the only person who is fucked up is Her Majesty.

Afterall putting self issues aside still, you have more thing to worry about in school since you're having your Olevel Chinese oral the following week and your Chinese is apparently screwed. You're so afraid you won't get the distinction for the Chinese paper this year and your parents will just slaughter you since your awesome brother who failed Chinese all his life came home with an A2.

Adding on to the shits, you find out you've just gotten your lowest overall percentage in history. You're really glad you just passed though, but on the other hand you're still worried of the possibility of you retaining your Secondary Three year. Yet no matter what you just don't get motivation to study, since you've never really studied all your life.

You've got friends who tell you how you can actually perform if you studied but it never seems to encourage you and inspire you to do better because you don't care. And you know clearly there's this group of friends who tend to dislike it when you score better marks than them because they know clearly you didn't study as hard.

There are also a lot of people in your cohort/school you never knew existed but they've always known you do. Suddenly you get to know them and they think you hate them, or even better they start to stalk you. In the first place you don't know them so you can't really hate them but they just think so which you think only means they're insecure. And before you can talk to them they give you a bad impression and you really hate them now.

Then, often in life you forget the things you should remember and remember the things you should forget. You wonder, whether saying something you wish you didn't, or not saying something you wish you had hurts more?

You're tired. You really want to give up. You think you can't withstand it any longer. You want to cry. But you have no tears to cry. You have no strength and energy to cry. And you know clearly that there are also many like you out there struggling to cling on to a tiny hope, to a thread almost breaking, yet they're still perservering. So you tell yourself you should learn to be like them, and you stand up again. You find out you're really good at putting on a brave front.

But you're not fake. In front of your friends you're really happy. You just get emotional all alone. But that's also not because you're scared of being lonely. In fact, at times, you really enjoy being alone.

You've got so many things to do. You know the new school term's gonna be hectic, and you know even more you have to buck up, pull up your socks and really work hard, but also you know you're never gonna do it. You just lack the drive to do so. You just love procrastinating.

I still love you no matter what.

2010-06-30T01:58:00.003+08:00

I just finished crying minutes ago.

I just finished watching Break Up Club (分手說愛你) minutes ago.

Bad thing Singapore theatres are not showing it so I have to download it to watch, which I think is actually illegal and the video quality's real bad. Weird to be crying at such an hour but this is such a freaking tear-jerker which was really touching and I laughed and teared real hard :)

I am so going to buy the proper DVD when they release it in Singapore. They had better do so here or else I am definitely going to buy it online and ship it here. This movie's really worth rewatching because its just really so touching.

In anyway, how can I resist not watching a show Bosco Wong and Myolie Wu went to watch together?! Myolie weibo-ed that the show made her cry and laugh till she made her whole shirt wet and people came commenting on how they saw her when she went with Mr Wong and they both laughed really loudly in the theatre wth AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Hmmm, wonder if it was Myolie's shirt that got wet from her crying or his......

Seriously, you two, time to go public lah!!! Just watch the movie and tell me, who watches such a show with their friend. Its meant for one to watch with their boyfriend ahahahahaha.

P/s: School tomorrow, should really get some sleep now.

Fate is keeping us apart.

2010-06-26T20:22:00.010+08:00

"The last time we met was in Australia. That night, I left alone. I walked to the river, and gazed at the sky filled with stars. I thought, if Heaven would to give us a chance to be together again, if there really is reincarnation, if we could love each other for the rest of our lives, I would only still be able to love her for another 70billion years. But this is all just wishful thinking on my part."

— Raymond Lam (The Mysteries Of Love)

Don't promise me forever, just love me day by day.

2010-06-13T02:04:00.000+08:00

"Can" suggests possibility.
"May" connotates risk.
"Should" shows and unaccomplished responsibility.

"Will" is a resolution, a commitment.
Be none other.

Smile, even though your heart is breaking.

2010-06-04T00:23:00.002+08:00

"If there ever comes a day where we can't be together,
keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

— Winnie The Pooh

Since your paper heart left me alone suddenly,

2010-05-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

幸福是需要兩個相愛的人一同建造。
如果我們的愛無法再進一步，
我會選擇欺騙自己。

— 林峯（我們很好）

Even if the sun really does come up tomorrow, don't wake me up.

2010-05-29T01:06:00.013+08:00

Thank you so much, St Nicks. You're giving us a Week 11, urgh :/
Yet to show Mom my PPR anyway. I think the dormant volcano in her would erupt haha. Worse percentage in history, L1R5 is an unbelievably large digit.

Town with Vanessa & Alicia on Tues! Hk cafe, Borders, studied a little (which wasn't really of any use). Suntec & Bishan with Zhenhui, Venetia, Windy, Jessie Ma/Chong yesterday! Ate buffet + bubble tea & yami yoghurt, laughed all day :>

I want to eat Frolick suddenly!
And someone is tempting me over the phone with Popeyes :(

Jubilate VII: The spirit lives on.

2010-05-22T02:36:00.012+08:00

JUBILATE VII ♥

Thankyou so much to all those who made Jubilate awesome for me. Love you girls ttm, thanks for all those flowers, notes and chocolates :> (Gwee ily you really bought me chrysanthemums!) Hehe I (L) flowers.

Not the best of looks, but the truest of hearts.

2010-05-19T00:15:00.003+08:00

I'm tired of school life. Teachers and their idiosyncrasies. All sorts of things, they are capable of. And the expect so much from us. Yeah yeah, yeah probation. Oh whatever I don't really care. Or do you want me to suck up to you? Fuck.

Anyway life's actually just a game where everyone has to bootlick just to get to the top. Its a competition of who can bootlick better, and for those who refuse to do such a thing, they are always in the shadows, while others are in the sun.

Is it me, or is it St Nicks, that has the issue?
Sometimes I wish I could really just drop out of (this) school.

Wake me up when I'm sober.

2010-05-15T15:51:00.011+08:00

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."
— Albert Einstein

We can't explain why somethings happen.

2010-05-09T01:23:00.012+08:00

(Via Stephanie. OUR BEST CAMPER HAHAHA)

IT WAS BEARABLE — AT LEAST I SURVIVED.

Camp was great, much better than expected. In fact I wasn't really expecting much to start with, since I didn't even want to go, and wasn't planning on going at all until the day before. But I went, and I'm really glad I did. Because I didn't regret it.

(TRUTH IS JUST AWESOME)
So what if we're probation? We still rock. I've never seen our class so bonded and enthu before, we put aside our differences for three days and made an effort. Despite the bugs, the heat and losing touch with the entire world, we were great. 3Truth made camp all worthwhile for me (L)(Y)

But in any case my eczema is acting up now despite my jab on Mon. I endured & paid for a needle that didn't work, fuck. Or maybe I should just sue Susan Lim, haha.

We set love blooming.

2010-04-27T19:16:00.006+08:00

Mad, Kelly & Rena came over today - THEY BURNT MY KITCHEN DOWN.
Played mahjong and baked!!!

SUGAR, SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE (Y)

As we walk to the left, as we walk to the right.

2010-04-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

Science Centre 2010.

Life Sciences Workshops have always been boring.
Haha, and just look at Gwee's porn face (Y)

Through thick and thin, through life.

2010-04-20T20:55:00.004+08:00

Gwee is a pornstar.

If only everything would stay as it was in the beginning.

2010-04-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Change. How I hate change.
Not all kinds of change, but particularly change in the people around you.

Sometimes, people change, and become really scary.
People change, and become unfathomable.
People change, and virtually vanish from your life.

Coincidentally, changes like these occur when you need these people most.

There's this frustration contained in me for quite a while already.
Its like a time bomb waiting to explode. I need a punching bag.

Its gonna be yet another hectic time ahead. Argh.

I did my personal best.

2010-04-19T01:45:00.001+08:00

AHHH HUIEN!!!!!!
*slaps you*

The everlasting happiness is real.

2010-04-17T19:11:00.004+08:00

The sun shines down on me.

2010-04-15T23:37:00.007+08:00

Each day I wake up to go to school,
I find that every part of life gets a little harder. A little busier.

But also, a little emptier.

I'm swallowing back the pain.

2010-04-14T00:15:00.008+08:00

Bosco: You really won't give me one more chance?

Myolie: Please don't be so indecisive anymore. You change your mind all the time, its really tough for me you know.

Bosco: I know what I want now, I've never let go all along ...

Myolie: Its too late. I've already let go of you, please spare me alright. My wound has just healed, I don't want to be hurt again, I want to be spared of all those heartaches. Today you say you would like to be with me again, then how about tomorrow? How would I know if you would change your mind again tomorrow. All these while, have you tried to do something in which you've perservered until you succeeded in it? I really have no faith that I will have happiness with you. If you really love me, if you're really doing this for my sake, please leave. I don't want to see you again, I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want my heart to break again. Just leave.

2010-04-05T23:42:00.007+08:00

FACEBOOK IS OFFICIALLY MADE HORNY BY:

CHUA SYN YIN
& YANNING SUSY XU
& RENA CHUA XIN HUI
& GWEE SU XUAN TIFFANY

(With some help from the blue book of butterflies and William Shakespeare)

(L)(Y)

In The Eye Of The Beholder (Y)

2010-04-03T01:04:00.008+08:00

（我相信你）

What it'd be like to find perfection in my pride.

2010-04-03T01:04:00.007+08:00

I reckon some things should be said directly.

I hate it when people don't practice what they preach. I hate it when people don't mean what they say. Mere words simply cannot describe the anger I'm feeling now. Haven felt this level of fury for a very long time. Somehow, there's a touch of disappointment mixed in it as well, though anger can still be considered the more dominant emotion at the moment. Well, at least now I know why some people can get so angry that they cry or something, because I experienced that just now too. One fine day I'll just wash my hands of everything.

Until I woke up only to realise it was a dream.

2010-03-31T22:34:00.009+08:00

Had sushi with Claire yesterday! Haven had sushi in almost a month, miss it so much! We gorge ourselves until we were so full hahaha. Must post pictures up to tempt people! Omg sushi (Y)

Enqi, LOOK AT THIS.

Okay, we should stop talking about food now, lest it makes me hungry suddenly :)

Sweet, sweet love.

2010-03-31T20:16:00.002+08:00

ZOMG KEVIN CHENG KA WING, WHY YOU SO CUTE?

I close my eyes to your gaze.

2010-03-30T12:06:00.000+08:00

It wasn't like this in the past, really.

But I'm going to stand up and fight. Valiantly like I once did.
I'm gonna take the battlefield by storm.
I'm gonna find my way to the fore once more.

Scars make us stronger for life.

2010-03-29T22:41:00.008+08:00

OMG SCREAMS THEY ARE KISSING!!!

LEE HUI ENNNNNNN I KNOW YOU WANT THIS SCENE OKAY!!! HAHAHHHAH.

Hahahha actually its more for myself but I must give myself and excuse to be posting this up right! I feel so excited HAHAHAHAHAH. OMG AND MEDIACORP YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU SHORTENED MY BOSCOLIE KISS FOR A FEW SECONDS. YOU THINK I DONT KNOW. Stop cutting away scenes!!! YOU SCREWED SHIT.

RETURN ME MY BOSCOLIE KISS AHAHAHAHHAHAHAH. THOSE FEW SECONDS ARE DARN IMPORTANT! And listen to the Boscolie duet!!! Hahaha last year I wrote those lyrics a million times for Mad. Just makes me hyper!!! Yay Boscolie!!!!!

OMG I WILL DIE OF DIABETES SOON.
Someone send me to the hospital quick!!!

We'll walk the long journey hand in hand.

2010-03-27T01:18:00.007+08:00

我要牽著你的手直到時間停留，
有你的愛護，帶領我飛向自由。
你的手扶持著我走每段風浪的時候，
深深地感謝你，Iloveyou。

When there's a will, there's a way.

2010-03-23T20:53:00.007+08:00

L1R5 = 28

OMGOMGOMGOMG. ARGH :(

The course of true love never did run smooth.

2010-03-20T01:37:00.003+08:00

"But earthlier happy is the rose distilled
Than that which, withering on the virgin thorn,
Grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness."

— A Midsummer Night's Dream (Act One Scene 1)

William Shakespeare. Works better than sleeping pills.

Its never the same without you.

2010-03-13T00:32:00.030+08:00

說不出的，是愛？還是遺憾？

I can hear your heartbeat.

2010-03-07T02:37:00.002+08:00

“無聲音的世界裏，請用心聆聽，
在寂靜中尋找新天地。”

Love knows no boundaries.

2010-03-07T01:48:00.013+08:00

沒結果的愛情，真的會有嗎？

愛情不是在乎結果，是在乎過程。
只要可以痛痛快快的愛一次，就算只是留下最美好的回憶，
都到最後能不能在一起並不重要。

Cancan: Do you think I've grown fatter? Should I be eating less?
小巴: I've never heard of you wanting to eat less before!
Cancan: I want to look prettier, so you can look better with me.
小巴: Don’t do that, if you eat less my heart will ache. Don’t you remember? I said I’m putting you in first priority.
Cancan: Nope, I don’t remember.
小巴: You cats have poor memory!
Cancan: That's because I want you to say it to me everyday. Say it to me everyday and I’ll remember.

— TVB 當狗愛上貓 2008

Broken wings and torn pages.

2010-03-06T03:17:00.017+08:00

Lately everything has been pouring down like torrents of rain, drowning me. School, family, friends, self-issues, and you. Its all like a thick blanket that's suffocating me. I realise I haven been talking much this week, I don't really like talking anymore.

I sleep in class. I like listening to Big Bang or TVB theme songs while I sleep. I've been sleeping throughout Math and Chem (now that we have a CMI teacher) and English lessons. As usual Woo Wei Wei would make her fucked up sarcastic comments.

I've kinda lost all the vigor in me. When I'm with friends, I'm okay. I smile, I laugh, but that's because I preoccupied with the present. Yet when its quiet, when I'm alone, I start to ponder on things I don't wish to think about. Words can't even describe half of what I'm feeling now.

Everything is drowning me. I'm like drowned in the sea, with no oxygen mask, no one coming to save me. I don't understand, why do the memories still linger. The recurrring dreams I have of you, they're so surreal. And the epiphany of waking up to reality afterwards, it totally sucks. I seem to know what I'm doing, yet I don't know why I'm doing this. Really.

I'm healing but its taking too long. The wound is still raw and open, and all the tears and heartaches, I really want to be spared of them. I think I'll run. I'll run away like always. I'll crawl back into my shell. I know it'll deprive from the warm soothing rays of the sun and shield me from the stinging heavy rain. But I'd rather not see the sun and to be caught in a snow storm, again.

These days the light in my eyes are really fading out, from a tiny spark to eternal darkness. Its almost black and white, or just nothing. I wonder when was the last time I saw things in colour, where they were vibrant, shining on the canvas of life. Everything's faded to dusk now, suddenly the night's falling deeper in the heart.

Although I have repudiated most of my emotions, the roots still remain. It's like a tree. No matter how many times you hack them, the roots are still deeply embedded into the ground. I don't really know what's happening to me.

I don't even know, and yet some people think they do. No one knows what really is affecting me. That's because I haven exactly told anyone (and I don't wish too). Maybe only one or two will know what I am talking about, maybe someone, maybe you. But maybe they won't either. I think they won't.

Saying sorry doesn't really change the fucking fact, it only reminds me of all the tears that cascaded down, because of this. It wasn't even your fault to start with, so why say sorry. I don't want you to say sorry, when you say sorry I want to cry.

I realise I don't really want to move on. I like staying like this, all stupor and simply waiting for time to crawl by. I really want to say, "like I fucking care" in all your faces. Don't think you understand me. Don't make assumptions, especially not when you don't even know me well enough. It isn't important whether or not you know about it. Its best you don't.

I just want to stay in the position I'm in right now, forever. Lying in bed, with my bolster, pillow, and everything I simply need. I really don't want to move, I don't want to change. So what if change is inevitable. I don't want to change.

Listening to Corrine May in bed makes me cry. The lyrics of all her songs are so touching. I'm overcomed by fatigue. No, not sleepiness, I'm just tired of everything that's going on. Right now at this moment nothing's making me happy. Its so silent, really, its only me in this entire house. All I hear is the music playing.

No Boscolie news today. No, nothing to make me high or happy. Not a single one. I don't know why I keep telling myself not to cry, yet I still want to cry. I have sudden urges to rewatch sad drama serials, like When A Dog Loves A Cat.

I cried so much watching. I fucking cried so much. I cried so much when he was dying. I cried so much when they cried. I cried so much for their love. There's a strong maelstorm of emotions running through my mind.

Even listening to Boscolie's duet doesn't get me hyper. I ended up crying because somehow the lyrics touched me. Maybe I'm really tired. Perhaps I really need a break. Things really need to to end. Its all going too far. And I have to go through it all alone. I really don't want to tell anybody about it. Really, not at this time.

Yet, I feel as if I'm writing this here because I want you to see. Its like I want you to know, and at the same time not know. I think I'm typing this here because I want someone to know. If not wouldn't Livejournal be a better place for me to type this?

I think about it every night and day.

2010-02-19T23:51:00.016+08:00

"If you're walking down the right path and you're willing

to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress."

— Barack Obama

Lately I've been waiting for you.

2010-02-19T01:32:00.011+08:00

You can erase someone from your mind,

Getting them out of your heart is another story.

\
You came back into the picture, suddenly.
Just when I was ready to put everything away and start all over again.

I don't want to cry anymore.

They're the reason you smile.

2010-02-13T20:24:00.012+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year + Valentine's + Total Defence Day!

Last minute spring cleaning is seriously, disastrous.
I love my hot pink sheets for the new year, it has childish prints (L)

But I am young at heart!!!

And I have completely no mood to paint my nails :(
French Manicure (L) Celine & Huien are getting yellow nails *jealous*

Ha, so what. I shall get Woo Wei Wei's pink AHHAHAHAHHAH.

Reunion dinner was the bomb, I'm super full now :>
Martell and light sauce spam in the steamboat, I want Remy Martin HAHAA.

I'm supposed to organise another SMJYYRLKKXH outing!
(I feel like uploading pictures suddenly, since Yanning uploaded them)

SMJYYRLK @Seoul Garden after EOYs last year!!!

And I want to watch 72tenants of Prosperity on big screen!

With me, you will go on.

2010-02-09T21:06:00.010+08:00

由今日開始，我會做你對眼。有著我，
便有著你，永遠都會拖著你，死都不放手。

— 黃宗澤（TVB電影 72家租客2010）

From a tiny spark to eternal darkness.

2010-01-31T23:47:00.030+08:00

Fuck there's a Boscolie scene in 72 tenants!
I'm like a totally mad person now :> Myolie suddenly has a fucking cameo!!

Her initial role (she was suppose to play Bosco's girlfriend OMFG) was replaced by Stephy Tang and I got damn pissed off but now she has a cameo!!! I wouldn't really give a damn to her guest appearance actually, but its fucking with Bosco! The whole few seconds that she has in the bloody fucking movie is with Bosco. *screams*

FUCKING SHIT BOSCO'S TOTALLY STARING AT HER BOOBS!!!!
They obviously made her wear push up bra!!!!

OMG AND MEDIACORP IS GOING TO AIR WOIL2!!!!!! /dies/

I'm waiting for someone, for my forever.

2010-01-26T21:55:00.001+08:00

Chisel my heart from stone.

2010-01-23T01:44:00.025+08:00

'Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.
Maybe its true, that I can't live without you.

If you were the positive ions, I wouldn't mind being the negative 'sea of delocalised electrons' so that metallic bonding can occur between us, resulting in electrostatic forces of attraction. (Haha yes, I listen in Chemistry)

I wear my heart upon my sleeve.

2010-01-19T02:41:00.008+08:00

They won Silver for the JSG Awards Best Duet, and Chilam went,

“我要多謝黃宗澤沒吃醋。” (Myolie stares)

The question is the truth.

2010-01-14T23:28:00.016+08:00

能夠遇到自己喜歡的人，是一件最幸福的事，
所以一定要好好珍惜，無論遇到什麽問題，都別輕易放棄。
只要你愛他，就什麽問題都可以解決到。

— 佘詩曼 (TVB 鳳凰四重奏2006)

A very new start.

2009-12-31T23:49:00.010+08:00

Each time a new year approaches, I'd start reflecting about how the year has been and how the coming year would be better (or not). Each year is a fresh start, perhaps, although some may disagree. But afterall there's still change, like changing the year of the date you write on your homework — from 2009 to 2010.

The object of new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. So I'm going to come up with a long list of resolutions this year! I enjoy having resolutions, though each year end I'll always look back and know I've not achieved a single one of them. Who cares, hehe.

And no, I'm not going for countdown this new year.
I've had enough during Christmas hahaha I don't want to get drunk haha.

For you gave me hope.

2009-12-30T01:14:00.019+08:00

愛情就好像一種癮似的，當你擁有它的時候，
就會好開心，但當你失去它的時候，就會好痛苦。
而當你要習慣失去愛情的時候，就等於戒毒一樣，
無人幫得到你，只有你幫到你自己。

— TVB 《烈火雄心III》 2009

You left me with a note without a sound.

2009-12-16T21:37:00.003+08:00

There is this thing on Earth.
Its enormous, really big.
Yet, its useless, totally worthless.
But its fucking fragile.
Its my EGO.

Loveholic.

2009-12-13T23:46:00.018+08:00

Omg Bosco Wong Chung Chak. I know its your birthday but, that was seriously fucking high profile!!!!!! Are you people planning to go public soon or something!!!! (L)(Y)

This person. There's this duet that we both sing together. Everytime we sing this duet live, he'll look at me with a longing, painful expression. He never ever remembers the lyrics. He'll look at me and with his eyes, ask, "Then? Then?" (referring to the lyrics), and then he squeezes my hand real tightly.

Also, girls usually... that means I have to let guys hold my hand this way, and boys will hold it this way. But every time I'll have to hold his hand that way, and he'll hold it this way, like I'm the one holding his hand.

(HAHAHAHA BOSCO WONG YOU'RE SO GAY)
But doesn't matter hahaha, since Myolie loves you just the same.

Nice move huh, Bosco Wong.

I will always love you.

2009-12-11T00:40:00.021+08:00

藍天白雲同我作證，以後無論發生什麽事，
環境有多惡劣，機會有多渺茫都好，
我都會為你而生存，我都不會放棄。
因爲我一生一世都會去愛你、去寵你。

— 鄭嘉穎（法證先鋒II 2008)

Deep in your heart.

2009-12-08T00:29:00.011+08:00

"Itachi-nii, Why is the sun so bright?"
"Because, its full of life even when the light blocks it out."

"Itachi-nii, Why do leaves change colour?"
"Because, everything changes."

"Itachi-nii, Why does the wind blow?"
"Because, it keeps going, no matter what."

"Itachi-nii, Why are you crying?"
"Because, life goes on even when you don't want it to."

We held hands once again.

2009-12-04T23:44:00.024+08:00

BOSCO & MYOLIE
WALKED THE RED CARPET TOGETHER OMG!!!!

YES OH MY FUCKING GOD FUCK OMG AWESOME SHITZXC!!!!!
ITS BEEN FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!! *screams and hyperventilates*

When I am free I must go find the 2005 clip and watch again HAHAHA.
OMG I HEART THE PART BOSCO KISSED HER WHEN HE WON THE 飛躍進步 AWARD
THAT YEAR FOR HIS ROLE IN WOIL!!!!! (K)(Y)(K)(Y)

P/S: I think I won't have to sleep tonight! I'll just keep replaying the clip!!!

You're a falling star.

2009-11-26T18:13:00.038+08:00

The sun is setting right now.
Its another day where it shone, yet I feel cold. And empty.